A Website for Women

Womens Problems 4

Living Together is Hell

Me and my boyfriend are arguing so much that he has decided to move out and back in with his mum. This was also only after living together for 2 weeks! Recently we made up and now he wants to move back in and try again., but I am worried that we are not compatible and were not meant to live together. Jenny

This kind of thing is not uncommon, but what you need to ask yourself is "are you really ready to move in together again?" The most important element that needs to be addressed is have you sorted out all the problems you had last time you lived together? Your first attempt at living together is not necessarily a sign that you were not meant to be together. However it is a signal that you have lots to discuss before you do!

I am Despised by my Friend

Recently I have found out that a friend that I feel really close to actually hates me! I was on his computer when he was out of the room and I stumbled across his chat history with his best friend. These series of messages made it clear that he really doesn't like me and that he can barely tolerate me. However, to my face he is the perfect friend? When I was feeling at a really low point I talked to this friend and said a lot of personal things to him. Now I find that this conversation has been discussed with his best friend and they were taking the mick out of me. He has been really two faced for about two years of our friendship, I don't know what to do? Should I confront him about it or brush it under the carpet? This has made me feel so betrayed. Tom

This person is not a friend, friends do not treat people they care about like this. If I were you I would sever all ties with this person, he obviously doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. There are people out there who would be real friends to you, and you should go and find them. As for should you talk to him about it, I think that he is not worth the effort, this person is clearly not nice and you should not risk getting upset and angry in a confrontation. However, if you are the kind of person who can not leave it without saying something, than you should be assertive when you speak to him. You should not get into an argument just say your piece and walk away. This will have more of an effect on this person than an argument. I hope it all goes well and you find the true friends that are out there.

The Affair Ended

I love my husband and we have been married for 5 years and in my eyes have a perfect life. However last summer I met another man in a night club and we started an affair. Two months ago I ended this affair, this happened because I refused to leave my husband, but I was heartbroken. I really miss this man and keep calling him and emailing him but he wont answer anything! I feel used and really want to find closure. Sally

Affairs normally end in one of two ways, they either explode in your face or end suddenly. It seems that closure has already happened here, whether you like it or not. If you can not accept this man's decision then you really need to rethink your relationship with your husband. Do you really love him and your perfect life? Are you looking for more or just something else?

I am Paranoid?

I met a new bloke recently and have now been with him for about 4 months and he is really lovely. We get along amazingly well and I can defiantly see a future with this guy. However, his ex-girlfriend has come back on the scene and made it clear that she still loves him. This is making me really paranoid and I can't control it - it is eating away at me. I love this guy so much as couldn't think about life without him, the thought of him being with someone else is really horrible! This has made me so paranoid that I can't bear him going anywhere without me, I always think he is going to meet her or someone else. It is getting out of control and he is starting to despise me for it. I know I have insecurity issues that need to be addressed. I need help on how to get over these feelings I don't want to ruin our relationship! Jane

The good thing is that you know that you are being paranoid and over reacting. This means that you are addressing your problem and know what you are doing wrong. There are lots of people who will not admit they are being paranoid and go to great lengths to convince themselves they are not jealous. The key factor as you have mentioned is your insecurity. You need to tell your boyfriend what you are feeling and why, if he is understanding then he will help you get through your insecurities. If you need some attention from your guy then just ask for a cuddle or something. What you don't want to do is start arguments etc just to get attention. Do not feel afraid to ask for the attention you need. Other than this you need to either sort this out in your own head or get help to do this. The key is to like yourself, and focus on all the things that make you special and one of a kind. Giving yourself confidence through loving yourself - is not wrong, and remember you are a very special person, so keep telling yourself this. You sound as though you are already addressing these problems and so you are over half way there, just keep going a bit further! All the best.