Womens Problems 3
My Husband doesn't want sex!
I need help with a really big problem that my husband has,
he just doesn't want sex! I am 32 and he is 36, and its just
over the past few months that this has started to happen. He
has no erection problems, in fact he is really sensitive like
that. Our sex life used to be amazing but recently he just doesn't
think that sex is important. We are married and have been together
in total seven years and married four.
If he is ever in the mood for sex its normally because
he's been drinking or he has taken something, this makes me feel
crap and really rejected. I am not fat I am a size 10, I have
got a bit of a tummy because I have had 3 children. I have tried
all the romanic nights, underwear, etc, even when I cuddle him
for too long he tells me to get off! In bed at night he always
wants me to cuddle him and he hardly ever cuddles me.
I am starting to think that it's me, is their something
wrong with me? Knowing that he has to be drunk or on drugs to
want me is really upsetting, and does nothing for my self esteem.
When we talk about the problem he always says that he is too
old and has gone off sex, and would be happy if he never had
it again! I feel as if I am only wanted for the general housework
etc, is my body that bad? I do understand that he gets tired,
but we really need to sort this problem out. if we don't I could
see it ruining our marriage, please help! Danielle
Hi Danielle, firstly you need to find out if there is something
really bothering him that you don't know about, or that you have
underestimated as a problem. When someone is worried or troubled
this generally affects aspects of their life such as sex. If
you delve deep then you may find a problem that he is finding
really tough. If not then you may need to start looking at your
relationship, always remember that this is not about you, you
are not too fat! Its about how he feels inside. It doesn't mean
that he's necessarily gone off you, its probably more about that
he doesn't feel like sex anymore. As far as the drink and drugs
thing, this could work two ways, it could be a way for him to
relax and forget about his worries. This is why he wants sex,
because he hasn't got things weighing on his mind when he's drunk
or on drugs. However, it could also be down to the drink and
drugs that he has lost his sex drive. There is no easy answer
to this one, all you can do is try and work through the problem
together. Maybe seeking professional advice would help. The last
point which is quite an important one is that as we all get older
most of us lose some, if not most of their sex drive (not all
of us), but this could be a real reason why. Your doctor is the
best person to ask about this - even if he won't go with you,
ask the doctor yourself and get some advice.
Fed up Dad
Hi, I am a middle aged man and I have been married for
over 18 years, I have three kids, a mortgage, and all the other
things that go hand in hand with having a family and bills to
pay. I am getting to the point now where I am so sick and tried
of it all! I seem to be used just for my money and my car! I
don't feel included in our family life at all, what can I do,
HELP!!
OK, now I totally understand where your coming from on
this one, most family men get used as a taxi and for their wallet.
However, to balance this out they also play a part in family
life. This is what is missing for you, the good stuff to outweigh
the bad. You do however need to ask yourself if you still love
your wife and want to be with her. Because if not then you may
need to get out. If you still love your wife then you need to
take control and be part of family life. There are things that
may need to change and if so your the man to do it - take charge!
Make sure you are spending quality time with your wife and your
kids (separately too!), I am sure you will feel much better about
things. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
My Best Friend Has Asked Me Out
Hi I need help with a problem I have with one of my friends.
I am very good friends with this guy that I went to college with,
I moved colleges and now hardly ever see him any more. A few
months ago we met up and he acted really strange around me, it
was as though he fancied me. I have another friend who lives
near this guy and so I told her how he was acting and how strange
it was. Then a few days later he called me and asked me out,
I am really not sure how to handle this situation, I really love
him as a friend but nothing more. I feel like I am considering
going out with him because of pity, he knows that I am in love
with someone else. He said that he has waited for two years to
ask me out! Help I am really confused and I don't want our friendship
to change - what do I do? Kim
I think that you know the answer to your question already,
you don't fancy this guy, you are in love with someone else,
so you should not go out with this guy. You also don't want your
friendship to change so you shouldn't even consider taking him
up on his offer. What you need to do is sit down with this guy
and explain clearly how you feel, don't give him any reason to
think you might fancy him, and make it clear that nothing romantic
will ever happen between you. Don't do this in a nasty way, be
assertive without being aggressive. This conversation will either
go one of two ways, you will both remain friends and live happily
ever after, or this guy will not be able to handle the rejection
and you may loose your friend - you need to be prepared for the
worst outcome. Remember you have tried your hardest to keep the
friendship, it is up to him now. Good Luck!
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