A Website for Women

Womens Problems 3

My Husband doesn't want sex!

I need help with a really big problem that my husband has, he just doesn't want sex! I am 32 and he is 36, and its just over the past few months that this has started to happen. He has no erection problems, in fact he is really sensitive like that. Our sex life used to be amazing but recently he just doesn't think that sex is important. We are married and have been together in total seven years and married four.

If he is ever in the mood for sex its normally because he's been drinking or he has taken something, this makes me feel crap and really rejected. I am not fat I am a size 10, I have got a bit of a tummy because I have had 3 children. I have tried all the romanic nights, underwear, etc, even when I cuddle him for too long he tells me to get off! In bed at night he always wants me to cuddle him and he hardly ever cuddles me.

I am starting to think that it's me, is their something wrong with me? Knowing that he has to be drunk or on drugs to want me is really upsetting, and does nothing for my self esteem. When we talk about the problem he always says that he is too old and has gone off sex, and would be happy if he never had it again! I feel as if I am only wanted for the general housework etc, is my body that bad? I do understand that he gets tired, but we really need to sort this problem out. if we don't I could see it ruining our marriage, please help! Danielle

Hi Danielle, firstly you need to find out if there is something really bothering him that you don't know about, or that you have underestimated as a problem. When someone is worried or troubled this generally affects aspects of their life such as sex. If you delve deep then you may find a problem that he is finding really tough. If not then you may need to start looking at your relationship, always remember that this is not about you, you are not too fat! Its about how he feels inside. It doesn't mean that he's necessarily gone off you, its probably more about that he doesn't feel like sex anymore. As far as the drink and drugs thing, this could work two ways, it could be a way for him to relax and forget about his worries. This is why he wants sex, because he hasn't got things weighing on his mind when he's drunk or on drugs. However, it could also be down to the drink and drugs that he has lost his sex drive. There is no easy answer to this one, all you can do is try and work through the problem together. Maybe seeking professional advice would help. The last point which is quite an important one is that as we all get older most of us lose some, if not most of their sex drive (not all of us), but this could be a real reason why. Your doctor is the best person to ask about this - even if he won't go with you, ask the doctor yourself and get some advice.

Fed up Dad

Hi, I am a middle aged man and I have been married for over 18 years, I have three kids, a mortgage, and all the other things that go hand in hand with having a family and bills to pay. I am getting to the point now where I am so sick and tried of it all! I seem to be used just for my money and my car! I don't feel included in our family life at all, what can I do, HELP!!

OK, now I totally understand where your coming from on this one, most family men get used as a taxi and for their wallet. However, to balance this out they also play a part in family life. This is what is missing for you, the good stuff to outweigh the bad. You do however need to ask yourself if you still love your wife and want to be with her. Because if not then you may need to get out. If you still love your wife then you need to take control and be part of family life. There are things that may need to change and if so your the man to do it - take charge! Make sure you are spending quality time with your wife and your kids (separately too!), I am sure you will feel much better about things. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

My Best Friend Has Asked Me Out

Hi I need help with a problem I have with one of my friends. I am very good friends with this guy that I went to college with, I moved colleges and now hardly ever see him any more. A few months ago we met up and he acted really strange around me, it was as though he fancied me. I have another friend who lives near this guy and so I told her how he was acting and how strange it was. Then a few days later he called me and asked me out, I am really not sure how to handle this situation, I really love him as a friend but nothing more. I feel like I am considering going out with him because of pity, he knows that I am in love with someone else. He said that he has waited for two years to ask me out! Help I am really confused and I don't want our friendship to change - what do I do? Kim

I think that you know the answer to your question already, you don't fancy this guy, you are in love with someone else, so you should not go out with this guy. You also don't want your friendship to change so you shouldn't even consider taking him up on his offer. What you need to do is sit down with this guy and explain clearly how you feel, don't give him any reason to think you might fancy him, and make it clear that nothing romantic will ever happen between you. Don't do this in a nasty way, be assertive without being aggressive. This conversation will either go one of two ways, you will both remain friends and live happily ever after, or this guy will not be able to handle the rejection and you may loose your friend - you need to be prepared for the worst outcome. Remember you have tried your hardest to keep the friendship, it is up to him now. Good Luck!